Mindfulness: Three ways to find greater self-acceptance

Connect & Grow Magazine: Edition 13 September- October 2024

We live in a culture that celebrates youth, beauty, and perfection. We’re encouraged to become the best version of ourselves. Although aspirational, this can imply that something is lacking and needs improvement.

Does accepting who we are mean that we’re giving up or settling for less?

Not necessarily.

Change is more lasting and easier to navigate when we feel relaxed, open, and optimistic. We’re then motivated by positive opportunities and the ‘carrot’ approach, as opposed to the more stressful ‘stick’ approach, where we’re motivated by fear.

How do we create more self-acceptance and positive feelings towards ourselves?

1) Understand that it’s OK to make mistakes and not be perfect.

We can’t do everything perfectly every time. We’re human. We make mistakes. We get things wrong.

There’s a reason that some changes are taken in ‘baby steps.’ We don’t expect a toddler to get it ‘right’ the first time by walking perfectly across the room. It’s natural for them to be a little unsteady at first, to fall down, and to need to keep practising as they build up their confidence and skills.

Likewise, we can regroup, get support, and start again. We can adopt a growth mindset by seeing every outcome (desired or otherwise) as an opportunity to learn more information to help us determine the next step.

2) Use the F word on ourselves – that is, forgiveness

Self-criticism and judgement add a layer of ill will or stress onto how we feel about ourselves.

Break the negative cycle by forgiving yourself.

You can write it down (and perform a releasing ritual, as in my August article) or say it to yourself.

I like to use the Hoʻoponopono practice as Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len explained in their book Zero Limits. It’s based on a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation. It involves taking responsibility for our actions. Relief is found by repeating the mantra:

“I love you.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.”

With self-forgiveness, we direct this mantra towards ourselves.

Forgiveness reminds us that we did the best we could with the resources, beliefs, and circumstances we had. It helps release stress and opens us up to taking positive action.

3) Look for good things about yourself

Start by focusing on aspects of yourself that you’re happy about.

It can relate to your personality traits, strengths, skills, or body: something you think is attractive or enables you to do wonderful things.

Whenever you can, express your thanks and appreciation for this aspect of yourself.

For example, write down a list of your strengths. Create a box with thank you notes or copies of positive feedback that you’ve received. Thank you, and smile in the mirror at that part of you during your bathroom routine.

Kindness goes a long way toward helping us feel better about ourselves. When we accept and value ourselves, we’re more likely to make respectful decisions and take actions that create positive change in our lives.

Written by Natalia Walker

Natalia is available for consultations.

Inner Creative

Email: natalia@innercreative.com.au